Kage no Tenshi


 Topic: Kage no Tenshi
Users reading this topic: There are no members reading this topic.
  Posted on October 29, 2007 03:29
teiji_uchiha
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Jounin

Posts: 1460
Joined on:
July 27, 2006
#1
Part 1: Remorse

He fled from the alley as soon as she fell with a soft thud on the ground. He never looked back as he ran; never saw her laying on her side as if asleep, her lips curled into a smile; a mockery of her twisted end. No; he only looked straight ahead, never truly seeing; his face an open mask of shock, of hopelessness, of remorse. He ran without direction, without any particular destination in mind, his legs pumping as he took off, as if to escape from the conscience that hounded him.

“I have done it again….” he said to himself bitterly, as he easily leaped from the empty sidewalk to a rooftop, and upon landing on the concrete he resumed running with all his might, springing from building to building. “I have let my weakness get to me. I must not let it happen the next time… never again.” He ceased running and fell to his knees, crying out in anguish.

“So innocent, so pure…” He buried his face in his hands, his cheeks already wet with crimson tears. His long platinum hair fell over his shoulders, hiding his face like a veil, a veil that shut him out from the rest of the world, locking him up in his own prison of self-loathing and self-reproach……

Part 2: Nemesis

She stood crying in front of a stone bench, refusing to sit down, refusing any comfort that might be offered to her. All around her, trees and plants thrived; birds sang sweet melodies, singing into the gentle breeze that blew past them; students talked and laughed among themselves as they headed into their classes. All these she ignored, for her they are but irony to what she felt that moment; she wanted to scream, to wail and lash out… but instead she only cried, feeling alone though she was not, her clear green eyes continuously flowing with tears.

“Lalaru, hush now.”, a girl with dark hair and eyes told her. “Maybe… it really was her time… to go.”

A redhead approached the pair cautiously, her piercing gray eyes immediately taking in the scene before her. “Lalaru… what’s the matter?”

Lalaru never looked up, so deep was she in her grief. “Why,” she asked them, asked anyone who would care listen. “Why did it have to be nee-chan?” Her voice shook, and her friends knew then she was trying to keep her anger in check.

The redhead exchanged worried glances with her companion. “Ayano,” she whispered to her raven-haired friend, careful so that Lalaru won’t hear. “We better get her to class. Comforting her right now will not do any good; she’ll only get more depressed.”

“But Itsuki.... we’re her friends!”, Ayano whispered back. She wordlessly took Lalaru by the arm and gave her a tight hug. “It will be all right… I know Nuri-neechan is at peace.”

“No…”, Lalaru shook her head, her blonde curls bouncing. “NO! Not with her death still unavenged!” Half-blinded by tears, she extracted herself from Ayano’s embrace and took off.

Part 3: Reminiscence

“Lalaru, wait up!”

She did not pay her friends any heed, and just ran on, until she bumped into someone who smelled strangely of perfume, but a perfume that was musky and old. “S-sorry.”, she stammered as she looked up to see the person. He was a tall, handsome youth, with long platinum hair and strange yellow eyes. She could swear she saw his eyes lit up in recognition upon seeing her. “Do I… know you?:, she asked him warily while wiping her tears.

He just stared at her, his mind reeling back to past events. She seems familiar. Have I seen her before? Images flashed, hazy, voices drifted; all in a rush. Two people struggling in the shadows. A woman’s muffled scream. A man looking at him with fear in his eyes. The man whimpering like the woman. The man’s body falling lifelessly on the dark alley. The woman running, then caught up in his deadly embrace. A whirl of emotions as he drained her of her life. He squeezed his eyes shut, as if doing so would remove the images already tattooed on his mind.

“Mister, are you sick?” Lalaru asked despite her own misery. She blinked in confusion when he stepped away from her.

“Y-yes, I am… don’t worry.” He shook his head a few times, trying to clear his mind. He knew who she is, now. At least, he had a vague idea of her identity. “What about you? Why were you crying?”

At the sound of his kind voice, tears welled up in her eyes again. Though she did not know this man before her, she felt that he could be trusted, and that somehow, he might actually help her. That’s absurd, she thought. “My sister… she...” Whatever else Lalaru was about to say was lost in a fit of sobs. The guy smoothed her hair and patted her awkwardly.

“If… if you don’t want to talk about it, it’s okay.” He shifted his feet uncomfortably, at loss for words of comfort. He felt her move, and realized she was shaking her head. “No… I must talk. Maybe you could… um… nevermind.” She took a deep breath to steady herself. “My sister was murdered last night. She… was found dead in an alley. And not a mark on her body!” She sobbed again, and this time he took her in his arms, as if determined to protect her from her grief. “And the strangest part is-“

“Lalaru! There you are!”

Lalaru’s words were cut short as she turned to see who was calling her…

Part 4: Suspicions

Ayano ran up to her friend while trying to catch her breath. “You ran so fast we lost you!” She gaped at the guy holding her friend and grinned, “Lala-chan, you didn’t tell me you already have a boyfriend!” Both of them blushed, Lalaru and the guy, and he let her go. “He’s not my boyfriend! He… he was just trying to comfort me!”

Just then, the school bell rang, signaling the start of their first period. Itsuki finally caught up with them, her face showing annoyance. However, her expression changed when she saw the boy with her friends. Her eyes narrowed, observing him carefully. Yellow eyes. How unusual. Hmph. Itsuki saw him looking at her, almost in the same way she was looking at him. She thought for a moment that she saw a flash of fear in his eyes. Does he know? Impossible. She ran up and grabbed both Lalaru and Ayano by the arm. “Guys, didn’t you hear that bell?! We’re late!” She marched down the path, tugging them.

“Itsuki, I…”, Lalaru started to protest. She smiled at the boy apologetically as her friend was dragging her along. “I’m sorry for what happened! Hope to see you again!”

He kept his smile fixed on his face until Lalaru and her friends disappeared into a building. Then, he frowned thoughtfully. …she was drained of blood. That was what Lalaru was about to say. Lalaru. I have to help her… and make it up to her. Itsuki’s face flashed in his mind. Watching him. Gray eyes peeling him away layer by layer. She knows who I am. It is as if she could see right into my soul! He shivered, though the skies were clear blue and the wind was blowing in a warm gust of air. Is she one of them?

“Foolishness.”, he said aloud as he slapped his forehead. He basked in the morning sun for a few moments, allowing the wind to caress his smooth, pale face and letting it play with his silvery hair. Suddenly, something about what Itsuki said hit him. “The bell! I’m late for class too!” He rushed to the building where minutes ago Lalaru and her friends had also entered.

Part 5: Conscience

Nighttime. The moon was shining gibbous, partially covered by dark clouds. A lone figure seated on a tree limb was watching a girl looking out from the window on the second story of an apartment across the street. He could still see her clearly from that distance; could still make out her beautiful face, white against the shadows in her room. He saw her sigh, saw her chartreuse eyes shimmering with tears, and her fair hair uncombed. His keen ears heard her whispering to herself, or perhaps to the picture frame she clutched in her pallid hands:

“Look at the moon, nee-chan. It’s not yet full, but it’s still pretty.”

She turned the frame around and tilted it upwards, so that the picture faced the sky. Then she lowered it a bit, and there he could finally see the person in it. A woman, a few years older than the girl, but with the same blonde locks, falling on her shoulders. Her emerald eyes twinkled as she smiled at the camera. To an ordinary human’s eyes, it is far from possible to even distinguish the gender in that small image. But I’m not ordinary, he thought bitterly. And never will I be. He leaped away from the tree, and on the slanted roof of a house. Seeing that picture had confirmed his hunch. Again he saw in his mind’s eye the woman, at first smiling at him, about to thank the man who saved her from her attacker. Then…

She saw his face and turned to run. He reached for her arm, and yanked her towards him. She struggled as he bent his head to kiss her neck. Her heady scent overwhelmed him, making him all the more aggressive, desiring her; desiring her life. He could feel her veins pulsing, pumping sweet, life-giving blood. Then he-

“ARRRGGGHHH!” He dropped into an alley, and crouched behind a couple of garbage cans, hidden from view. He tore his hair in frustration, red tears streaming down his face. “Never again! Is meeting Lalaru my punishment?! To haunt my twisted conscience?” He raised his head to the heavens, and, as if in reply, rain began to pour, stinging him, purging the taint in his soul.
Shun <3 Teiji

• Cynical Angel poetry thread
Kage no Tenshi (added part 12!)
>>>Shunni fanclub!
-Valkyria-
::Ars Amatoria::
  Posted on October 29, 2007 03:38
ChaosXX
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Jounin

Posts: 1243
Joined on:
September 2, 2006
#2
nice, but you have a few long sentences, creating the illusion that it's actually a run-on sentence. Then again, it adds to the literary aspect of the story. perhaps better punctuations...? anyway, I always thought for chapters to be extremely long. lol i don't get how "he" could jump from building-to-building though. I think this must be a sci-fi...? I think that "he" killed Nuri, and that Lalaru is her sister, right? I think that "he" and Lalaru will get together...? And if it was a sad story, Lalaru might die.


Spoiler


possible spoiler only, since this is just a prediction
  Posted on October 29, 2007 03:43
teiji_uchiha
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Jounin

Posts: 1460
Joined on:
July 27, 2006
#3
Links to other Parts:

Part 6: Lucidity
Part 7: Counter
Part 8: Queries
Part 9: Banquet
Part 10: Spur
Part 11: Confrontation
Part 12: Revelations

Quote by ChaosXX
nice, but you have a few long sentences, creating the illusion that it's actually a run-on sentence. Then again, it adds to the literary aspect of the story. perhaps better punctuations...? anyway, I always thought for chapters to be extremely long. lol i don't get how "he" could jump from building-to-building though. I think this must be a sci-fi...? I think that "he" killed Nuri, and that Lalaru is her sister, right? I think that "he" and Lalaru will get together...? And if it was a sad story, Lalaru might die.


Spoiler


possible spoiler only, since this is just a prediction

Good guess...

But Lalaru won't die... What will become of her, you will have to wait until almost the end of the story...

As for "him", well, he can jump from building to building because... *spoiler*

You'll have to wait for that as well, too...
Shun <3 Teiji

• Cynical Angel poetry thread
Kage no Tenshi (added part 12!)
>>>Shunni fanclub!
-Valkyria-
::Ars Amatoria::
  Posted on October 29, 2007 03:56
ChaosXX
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Jounin

Posts: 1243
Joined on:
September 2, 2006
#4
Oh, lol I thought I read something saying "he" could. I'll just make another guess after you release the third chapter.
  Posted on October 29, 2007 03:59
teiji_uchiha
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Jounin

Posts: 1460
Joined on:
July 27, 2006
#5
Cool...

And try to guess some stuff about Lalaru's friends too... specially Itsuki.....*spoiler*
Shun <3 Teiji

• Cynical Angel poetry thread
Kage no Tenshi (added part 12!)
>>>Shunni fanclub!
-Valkyria-
::Ars Amatoria::
  Posted on October 29, 2007 04:06
ChaosXX
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Jounin

Posts: 1243
Joined on:
September 2, 2006
#6
OMG that's right!! Itsuki is suspicious, quite different from her two other friends. Could it be that she indirectly participated in Nuri's "death" because she tried to avoid comforting Lalaru? Or that she may actually know "him"??

Spoiler
  Posted on October 29, 2007 04:08
teiji_uchiha
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Jounin

Posts: 1460
Joined on:
July 27, 2006
#7
Wrong!

But she knows a lot... and can do a lot... oops!

I speak too much...
Shun <3 Teiji

• Cynical Angel poetry thread
Kage no Tenshi (added part 12!)
>>>Shunni fanclub!
-Valkyria-
::Ars Amatoria::
  Posted on October 29, 2007 04:11
ChaosXX
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Jounin

Posts: 1243
Joined on:
September 2, 2006
#8
Then she is similar to "him", right? If that is so, then could it be that she may be an enemy of "him"? I'll reserve my next guesses for when you release chapter three, though lol

Spoiler
  Posted on October 29, 2007 04:18
teiji_uchiha
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Jounin

Posts: 1460
Joined on:
July 27, 2006
#9
Wrong again...

I'll stop giving away more clues...
Shun <3 Teiji

• Cynical Angel poetry thread
Kage no Tenshi (added part 12!)
>>>Shunni fanclub!
-Valkyria-
::Ars Amatoria::
  Posted on October 29, 2007 04:21
ChaosXX
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Jounin

Posts: 1243
Joined on:
September 2, 2006
#10
I can't predict it!! Anyway, that's to be expected. From two chapters, only those people who know what'll happen next will be able to predict the rest of the story. I thought that somehow, at least I'd get one detail right lol Anyway, go for it, teiji-sempai!!
  Posted on October 29, 2007 11:43
Engart
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Kage

Posts: 4362
Joined on:
August 14, 2007
#11
I loved it.....

I think I know what the "man" is.....

but thats only because I know what Teiji likes reading!

Keep at it my lady.... you have true talent!
| :: sasuke4EVA FC :: | ::Ars Amatoria- Ghost:: | ::People are weird:: | ::Engarts Thread of Writing:: |

Never place your trust in anyone, it will only end in pain. Omg >Click<
  Posted on October 29, 2007 21:28
Shunni-of-Ark
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Sannin

Posts: 3230
Joined on:
December 9, 2006
#12
I'm lost....

but there are words and complete sentenceds, so it has to be good!

My Art GalleryShun <3 TeijiRe:Birth- My Sex Appeal Collection • OH SNAP! •
  Posted on October 30, 2007 06:55
teiji_uchiha
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Jounin

Posts: 1460
Joined on:
July 27, 2006
#13
Quote by Shunni-of-Ark
I'm lost....

but there are words and complete sentenceds, so it has to be good!

Are you sure you read it?
Shun <3 Teiji

• Cynical Angel poetry thread
Kage no Tenshi (added part 12!)
>>>Shunni fanclub!
-Valkyria-
::Ars Amatoria::
  Posted on October 30, 2007 09:11
Engart
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Kage

Posts: 4362
Joined on:
August 14, 2007
#14
omg.....

This is really getting good!

In the arms of the enemy......
| :: sasuke4EVA FC :: | ::Ars Amatoria- Ghost:: | ::People are weird:: | ::Engarts Thread of Writing:: |

Never place your trust in anyone, it will only end in pain. Omg >Click<
  Posted on October 30, 2007 09:37
teiji_uchiha
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Jounin

Posts: 1460
Joined on:
July 27, 2006
#15
Quote by Engart
omg.....

This is really getting good!

In the arms of the enemy......

Shhhh!!!
Shun <3 Teiji

• Cynical Angel poetry thread
Kage no Tenshi (added part 12!)
>>>Shunni fanclub!
-Valkyria-
::Ars Amatoria::