Whits Poem - Crushed Dreams


 Topic: Whits Poem - Crushed Dreams
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  Posted on February 26, 2010 19:54
Whitney
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#1
Please do not complain that it is free verse nor that it is too long to read. Also if you don't like poetry then why the hell click on it? It says POEM in the title so no posting I don't like poetry and bashing it.

To have everything I ever dreamed of,
swept away in a matter of seconds.
Just at the words "I have bad news"
All my efforts pointless,
Useless just like me.
How could I ever expect to become something great?
A hero that the world would look up to?
Like a soldier in the army.
Or maybe a great scientist who found a cure.
All those hopes destroyed by the words
"You didn't make it"
Turns out, they never even looked at my grades.
They never even glanced at who I was.
They chose people at random.
They picked them out like needles in a hay stack.
I'm nothing but another strand of hay.
An ordinary nobody.
With nothing but crushed dreams.

I just found out that I didn't get into Early College ecause hey weren't looking at grades. dreams, or personalities they were chosing randomly.
  Posted on February 26, 2010 19:56
1orochimaru1sama
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#2
I dont like Your Poetry:oh

Also, last time i checked Marines Were in the Marines Not the army:oh


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dude cows have big asses
  Posted on February 26, 2010 19:59
ninja744
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#3
10/10 I'm sorry you didn't get into early collage:sad But don't worry, I'm sure you'll get into collage later:amused
  Posted on February 26, 2010 20:01
Whitney
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#4
1orochimaru1sama wrote:
I dont like Your Poetry:oh

Also, last time i checked Marines Were in the Marines Not the army:oh

Well you know what smart ass? I hope you're proud of yourself ex clanleader I really do. I'm stressed enough as it is, Okay?
  Posted on February 26, 2010 20:01
srj
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#5
Sorry to hear that whit by the way nice peom:cry
  Posted on February 26, 2010 20:01
itachiforlyf
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#6
1orochimaru1sama wrote:
I dont like Your Poetry:oh

Also, last time i checked Marines Were in the Marines Not the army:oh
that wasn't nice. it's a good poem, well written, and i for one really like it. and yes, marines are marines, don't have to be an ass about a simple misconception.

and very sorry you didn't get in whit, that sucks.
  Posted on February 26, 2010 20:02
Beowulf_720
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#7
You can't even spell college and you grammar is atrocious; why should you be depressed because you didn't get into one earlier than you should have? They would have turned you down had they known what level of intelligence you had either way.

As for the poem itself, it's poorly composed. The beginning leads me to believe that you've fell out of some sort of relationship; leaving the rest just a confusing mess. Recompose the first few verses so that they collaborate with the others. Your line "They picked them out like needles in a haystack" is contradictory to your problem. That would assume they used a very precise method of choosing potential students. Alas, free verse it may be, your verses are too random.

no rate 4 u
dis shud be substantial
  Posted on February 26, 2010 20:06
1orochimaru1sama
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#8
Whitney wrote:
1orochimaru1sama wrote:
I dont like Your Poetry:oh

Also, last time i checked Marines Were in the Marines Not the army:oh

Well you know what smart ass? I hope you're proud of yourself ex clanleader I really do. I'm stressed enough as it is, Okay?
No one loves a grammatically in-correct flamer.


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drealneji wrote:
dude cows have big asses
  Posted on February 26, 2010 20:07
jinkotsiedb
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#9
your poetry is very how you say lame 0
Member since 06<3TheOutlaw~Spirit That lives in all of you~
  Posted on February 26, 2010 20:08
uzumakipro97
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#10
ninja744 wrote:
10/10 I'm sorry you didn't get into early collage:sad But don't worry, I'm sure you'll get into collage later:amused
yea but i say 100/10
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  Posted on February 26, 2010 20:08
itachiforlyf
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#11
Beowulf_720 wrote:
You can't even spell college and you grammar is atrocious; why should you be depressed because you didn't get into one earlier than you should have? They would have turned you down had they known what level of intelligence you had either way.

As for the poem itself, it's poorly composed. The beginning leads me to believe that you've fell out of some sort of relationship; leaving the rest just a confusing mess. Recompose the first few verses so that they collaborate with the others. Your line "They picked them out like needles in a haystack" is contradictory to your problem. That would assume they used a very precise method of choosing potential students. Alas, free verse it may be, your verses are too random.

no rate 4 u
dis shud be substantial
didn't s/he just say s/he's stressed? i know i for one can't write so well when i'm stressed, and s/he wouldn't be thinking to be anal about his/her grammar and verses with such a problem on his/her hands. stress makes one not write so well.

forgot to rate. 9/10
  Posted on February 26, 2010 20:10
Whitney
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#12
itachiforlyf wrote:
Beowulf_720 wrote:
You can't even spell college and you grammar is atrocious; why should you be depressed because you didn't get into one earlier than you should have? They would have turned you down had they known what level of intelligence you had either way.

As for the poem itself, it's poorly composed. The beginning leads me to believe that you've fell out of some sort of relationship; leaving the rest just a confusing mess. Recompose the first few verses so that they collaborate with the others. Your line "They picked them out like needles in a haystack" is contradictory to your problem. That would assume they used a very precise method of choosing potential students. Alas, free verse it may be, your verses are too random.

no rate 4 u
dis shud be substantial
didn't s/he just say s/he's stressed? i know i for one can't write so well when i'm stressed, and s/he wouldn't be thinking to be anal about his/her grammar and verses with such a problem on his/her hands. stress makes one not write so well.

forgot to rate. 9/10

I'm very stressed and I didn't mean to sound mean to anyone, I'm sorry for that. I just have a lot on my mind. Envoling more complex matters then even early college. All put together it makes me unstable.
  Posted on February 26, 2010 20:10
uki-a28
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#13
college is awensome 10 /10 sis (Invalid img) (Invalid img) (Invalid img)
srry for you'll have another chance no worry
  Posted on February 26, 2010 20:11
1orochimaru1sama
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#14
itachiforlyf wrote:
Beowulf_720 wrote:
You can't even spell college and you grammar is atrocious; why should you be depressed because you didn't get into one earlier than you should have? They would have turned you down had they known what level of intelligence you had either way.

As for the poem itself, it's poorly composed. The beginning leads me to believe that you've fell out of some sort of relationship; leaving the rest just a confusing mess. Recompose the first few verses so that they collaborate with the others. Your line "They picked them out like needles in a haystack" is contradictory to your problem. That would assume they used a very precise method of choosing potential students. Alas, free verse it may be, your verses are too random.

no rate 4 u
dis shud be substantial
didn't s/he just say s/he's stressed? i know i for one can't write so well when i'm stressed, and s/he wouldn't be thinking to be anal about his/her grammar and verses with such a problem on his/her hands. stress makes one not write so well.

forgot to rate. 9/10
Her names White, hence shes a girl, also are you stressed right now?
Because you are using horrible grammar, also learn how to capitalize.:blink


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drealneji wrote:
dude cows have big asses
  Posted on February 26, 2010 20:13
Coolidger
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#15
8/10
Good job writing buddy. =)