What You Claimed to Be-Poem


 Topic: What You Claimed to Be-Poem
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  Posted on February 6, 2010 12:04
Sakura-Chan-Ship
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#1
-sigh- Just now my program closed and my poem was lost. This is not as good as the one that I had planned before but I still hope you enjoy reading it.

Leave constructive critizism and not just a number/rating. Thank you.

What You Claimed to Be
Looking into your pityful eyes,
Seeing nothing more than lies.
The friend you once have claimed to be,
Has turned negatively towards me.
Walking alone through the school,
Your simpathetic friends use you as a tool.
As you crawl towards us,
Pleading "Take away my lust".
Lust of friendship and forgiveness,
Saying "With you we have no more business".
Leaving you forever behind,
As your actions rewind in your mind.
  Posted on February 6, 2010 12:06
jun-ongbaksu
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#2
rhymings ok...but its mostly the
feeling behind the words that get me..

nice poem...
~sigless simplicity~
  Posted on February 6, 2010 12:10
megamanlabib
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#3
9.
Way better than the last one. (The one on S-b)
:smile
�//T u t o r i a l s~ [ X ] [ X ] �//E g y p t i a n
sig85.png

sig55.png
� Set by me!
  Posted on February 7, 2010 10:04
Yldy
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#4
Very nice Nana,again. o-o
Just
"Pleading "Take away my lust".
Lust of friendship and forgiveness,
Saying "With you we have no more business"
Doesn't fit very well,you should say something like "They are saying... " or something like that. o.o'

PS:Make happy poems as welllll :c
:embarressed
iunno.
  Posted on February 8, 2010 14:57
byakugan714
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January 30, 2010
#5
good.. i liked it... the words held powerful meanings