Devil Knights


 Topic: Devil Knights
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  Posted on December 23, 2009 21:57
willprycey
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#1
first i'd like to say that this will only make sense if you read the other 3 chapters in my siggy but otherwise if you wish to read then please comment and tell me how i can improve. also i will try to make this one more detailed

Chapter 4

Taoki and Riku and lying next to each other in a pit of blood. They are in a deep slumber which is pending the remains of life and death. footsteps running towards them, the footsteps begin to overlap and get faster and faster. An endless crowd is gathering along with an ambulance and the police. Mitsuki is among the crowd although she makes it to the front and tries to tend to the boys. The police stop Mitsuki from even touching them as the police need evidence. Mitsuki is screaming louder than a siren but she is also breaking down in tears
Mitsuki: T-T-T-T-Taoki R-R-R-R-Riku wh-what h-happened. Why are you like this?
The ambulance got them in and Mitsuki forced them to take her with them to the hospital.
**The uryuu hospital**
as the ambulance arrived at the hospital they rushed in and Mitsuki wasn't allowed in, she broke in to tears outside of the hospital. The doctors saw Mitsuki and told her that they would have to perform sergery on Taoki and minor sergery on Riku and she willingly agreed to it. Mitsuki was having a mental breakdown and she was splurting random things out one of the many coments she made was "first you and now Taoki, why did you have to leave" the doctors couldn't understand a word of what she was saying. After the surgery was over and Mitsuki was allowed in she was told by the nurse that Taoki has a 3% chance of surviving and Riku has a 85% chance of surviving and as she was looking after the both of them she was crying even more.
****Inside story****
Riku has no-one to care for him as his family are rich and have great jobs therefore he lives in an expensive house and his mother and father are always out on bussiness. Mitsuki allows Riku to stay at their house for a sleepover sometimes since Riku and Taoki have been best friends since they were 5.
****end****
Mitsuki lies down on Taoki's lap and tries to close her eyes. She is reminicing over a time 8 years before current events
*****flashback*****
Taoki and Riku were 6 and Mitsuki was looking after them . They were playing hopscotch in the garden with another kid. They each took a turn and the other kid won so as a child would do Taoki got jealous and decided that hopscotch was boring so he went in to the kitchen and staarted checking out what everything was.
He picked up a towel from the washing up pile and he also picked up a oven glove, he was completly astounded at everything that he saw but then he picked up and Cake knife, he decided to take the knife outside. As he got out he saw Riku and the other kid and he decided to show off.
Taoki: hey Riku, Tsuki look what i'v got
Tsuki(other kid): what's that Taoki.
Taoki: i'v seen my mum use it before on my birthday cake. she cuts cakes with it
Tsuki: lets battle with it
Taoki: good idea
Riku: i want to use it
Taoki: you can't use it Riku, it's mine
Riku: but i want it
Taoki: well finders keepers losers weepers
Taoki pulled his tongue out at Riku so Riku tried to forcefully take it off Taoki but it did not go as planned. Taoki(out of rage) slashed the right of Rikus chin and drew blood from it. Riku began to cry out of agony and Mitsuki heard this and she saw that Taoki had the knife and Riku had a cut on his face so she assumed that it was Taoki and she slapped him but she didn't realise what she had just done and began tearing up then Taoki told her that he hated her. Mitsuki took the knife away from him and ran inside, she then put all of the knifes in a cupboard and ran up in to her room and threw herself on to her bed, she was crying her eyes out and screaming to no-one
Mitsuki: Why aren't i a good mother!!!, Why am i all alone!!!, Why did you leave me all alone like this.... WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
to be continued
  Posted on December 23, 2009 22:00
indoorsman
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#2
I am not a big fun of reading but Really wish u good luck and what u r doing is too nice thought :amused
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  Posted on December 23, 2009 22:00
uchiha_gudleja
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#3
GL :amused :blink :blink :blink
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  Posted on December 23, 2009 22:09
willprycey
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#4
and once again no comments to improve, how amazing
  Posted on December 23, 2009 22:10
ninja8848
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#5
uchiha_gudleja wrote:
GL :amused :blink :blink :blink
this is an awesome itchi picture
  Posted on December 23, 2009 22:11
willprycey
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#6
[/quote]this is an awesome itchi picture[/quote]

yeah not an appropriate place to put that so don't spam
  Posted on March 16, 2010 01:52
pownage1234
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#7
i loved it but if you want comments that say what we hate then fine.

you can put these" " in you writing/typing instead of saying the name and this: though thats not a bad idea.

and you dot have to put ******flashback****** ******end******. though once again not a bad idea.
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y is it that all rich people have problems in only 1 eye