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willprycey
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Forum Rank: Special Jounin
Posts: 555
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January 31, 2009
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#1
Chapter 2
Riku is walking home from Taokis house and listening to his Ipod. Noises suddenly appear but Riku has headphones in, A giant growling noise suddenly appears and It is loud enough for Riku to hear. Riku takes his headphones out and puts his Ipod away. He looks around but can't see anything and then he continued forward, as he was walking he heard more noises behind him so turned around but nothing was there, he sighs
Riku: i must be hearing things
As Riku turned back around to go home,, right before him was a very strange creature that was wearing a shirt with one giant sleeve covering one arm and the other sleeve completely ripped. The creature had black skin and gray hair (not very much hair though) It had bright yellow eyes and a short sword on it's back.
Riku: what the hell are you?
The creature lunged forward and attacked Riku with its short sword but Riku was able to pull out a folded wooden sword to defend with, Riku noticed that there was a ball of Dark Blue energy coming out from the giant sleeve covering its left arm and he also noticed another ball of Dark Blue energy coming from the base of the creatures blade. Riku was attacked and attacked but all that he could do is defend until he was slashed from his left shoulder to his right hip. His headband untied itself from the shock and his hair flew all over as he started to fall, there was blood everywhere. He screamed with one giant burst and then fell unconciouss.
Taoki heard the scream and recognised the voice to be Rikus so he ran out of the house in the direction of Rikus house but when he got there he was more shocked than he had ever been before, the creature had it's long sleeve over Rikus body and the energy ball was spreading out.
Taoki: get the hell away from him you weirdo!
The creature noticed him and attacked so Taoki pulled out his folded wooden sword and fought back, although the creature had a better blade Taoki managed to whack it across the face which gave it a nosebleed. It immediatly retreated to a safe distance away from Taoki and pulled dark blue beeds out of its long Sleeve. The beeds made a circle and started to glow then the creature jumped in to the circle and dissapeared then the beeds were sucked in to it aswell.
Taoki rushed over to Riku but was panicking
Taoki: Riku! are you ok, Riku please don't die, please. You've always been my best friend and i don't want you to die, RIKU!
A cloaked figure appeared on the top of a near by lamppost, The cloak was Navy blue and it's face hole was pitch black, Its face hole was looking at Taoki
To be continued...
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AKUDOU
Rank: member
Forum Rank: Sannin
Posts: 3710
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August 12, 2009
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RockinXdrummer1
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Forum Rank: Sannin
Posts: 3418
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August 21, 2007
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#3
Ehh, its decent, thought not good enough to make me wanna read the first chapter
||ADTR <3||
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kismie124
Rank: member
Forum Rank: Akatsuki
Posts: 17058
Joined on:
April 5, 2009
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willprycey
Rank: member
Forum Rank: Special Jounin
Posts: 555
Joined on:
January 31, 2009
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#5
thanks to everyone that commented i need to make it more detailed and can you guys tell me what you didn't like about it
Thanks
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phoenix-sasuke
Rank: member
Forum Rank: Jounin
Posts: 1781
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November 8, 2007
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pownage1234
Rank: member
Forum Rank: Chuunin
Posts: 217
Joined on:
February 4, 2010
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#7
my God this realy good even though it`s only started. and if it`s about to end in three chapters then that sucks because this has the makings to be really good
y is it that all rich people have problems in only 1 eye
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