X's Poem/Rap


 Topic: X's Poem/Rap
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  Posted on November 23, 2009 01:15
XxdiversexX
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#1


She is the most beautiful figure that stands out in this community
all girls ain't on her level so this is your only oppertunity
she is the one that unites all girls within one unity
what makes her beautiful is her
soul and perfect purity
I state all guyz who got a chance withchu all lack maturity
but im the one who will give you full security
and don't even bother with maturity
cuz i pass it with flying colors and straight up purity

rate and say what could make it better
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  Posted on November 23, 2009 01:17
Trepadora-Two
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#2
Something that isn't about a girl. :oh
22 %
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  Posted on November 23, 2009 01:18
Basshunter
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#3
4/10
Didn't get the first part where you said opportunity. What did you mean?
Edit: also didn't get the part of maturity. In poems, besides of the rhyme, consider the meaning of it. :sad
You are never given a dream without also being given the power to make it true.
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  Posted on November 23, 2009 01:19
XxdiversexX
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#4
Trepadora-Two wrote:
Something that isn't about a girl. :oh
22 %

explain more i don't understand
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  Posted on November 23, 2009 01:20
RuneFang
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#5
it dosent sound like a poem sounds more like rap to me 0/10 sorry hate rap ?
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  Posted on November 23, 2009 01:21
Lazy_Genius_13
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#6
i would take some of the weaker lines and make them imperfect rhymes to strengthen it because your continual rhyme loses effect about halfway through, add breaks to it and the mind doesn't get so tired of it
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  Posted on November 23, 2009 01:21
Trepadora-Two
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#7
XxdiversexX wrote:
Trepadora-Two wrote:
Something that isn't about a girl. :oh
22 %

explain more i don't understand


About 73 percent fo poems are about girls. :oh
Choose something more inspiring.
Like.......................... Ketchup. :oh
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•Ulquiorra_san & Avy by Akatsunara //• Ugh, Gtfo of my face. :weird iTrepa™ Blue.gif <----Kyuubi rage.
  Posted on November 23, 2009 01:22
XxdiversexX
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#8
Trepadora-Two wrote:
XxdiversexX wrote:
Trepadora-Two wrote:
Something that isn't about a girl. :oh
22 %

explain more i don't understand


About 73 percent fo poems are about girls. :oh
Choose something more inspiring.
Like.......................... Ketchup. :oh

lol, but girls are cute angels sent from above, y not give em the attention at a time
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  Posted on November 23, 2009 01:27
Basshunter
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#9
XxdiversexX wrote:
Trepadora-Two wrote:
XxdiversexX wrote:
Trepadora-Two wrote:
Something that isn't about a girl. :oh
22 %

explain more i don't understand


About 73 percent fo poems are about girls. :oh
Choose something more inspiring.
Like.......................... Ketchup. :oh

lol, but girls are cute angels sent from above, y not give em the attention at a time
That's not the kind of attention they want. Mine would kill me if I sang rap. :oh
You are never given a dream without also being given the power to make it true.
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  Posted on November 23, 2009 04:53
jun-ongbaksu
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#10
yeah not the best poem/rap i eva heard
but good try..........i think...
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  Posted on June 29, 2010 23:35
crazyaleks
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#11
5.............................................
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  Posted on June 29, 2010 23:35
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#12
5:oh
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