gaara's poem


 Topic: gaara's poem
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  Posted on November 21, 2009 17:13
garrafan100000
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#1
The day the my brother died many friends were by my sides
Wishing it didn't come all knew i thought my bro was number one
I wish i could of run but i couldnt stop staring i wish all my friends would stop caring.
I was gonna run but then brother stuck out a hand out of the graveyard sand and he said your the man of the house now.
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lol clicky my latest poem my showcase sendo serekuto chat
  Posted on November 21, 2009 17:14
sannya1997
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#2
like it. :amused :amused :amused
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  Posted on November 21, 2009 17:14
Trepadora-Two
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#3
A little short, but depressed.

:sad
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  Posted on November 21, 2009 17:15
copy_ninja100
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#4
nice peom [url= ][/url] [url= ][/url]
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  Posted on November 21, 2009 17:16
matiasmab21
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#5
Nice poem,

but be more possitive next time

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  Posted on November 21, 2009 17:17
Unstopable_
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#6
nice poem:oh 9
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  Posted on November 21, 2009 17:17
Johnny1998
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#7
nice poem.........how were you inspired to write this?
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  Posted on November 21, 2009 17:19
garrafan100000
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#8
Johnny1998 wrote:
nice poem.........how were you inspired to write this?
idk its just my mother died and my brother in real life but the other stuff came 2 me:oh
My Family



.:||im da iFunker .:||Half brother |ShopofAmjad||:.GFX RECORD 11-2-1||
Alba_sig.png


lol clicky my latest poem my showcase sendo serekuto chat
  Posted on November 21, 2009 17:19
Deidara
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#9
death....is a paintfull irony....

nice poem (smirk)
Somewhere far along this road
he lost his soul
To a woman so Heartless...
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  Posted on November 21, 2009 17:19
PhineasPhreak
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#10
I didnt know Gaara of the Sand wrote poems. Thats deep.
Im sorry for you. I feel sadness reading such poems.
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  Posted on November 21, 2009 17:20
Johnny1998
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#11
garrafan100000 wrote:
Johnny1998 wrote:
nice poem.........how were you inspired to write this?
idk its just my mother died and my brother in real life but the other stuff came 2 me:oh

Oh, I'm so sorry....hope you have better luck in real life in the future :sad
|---Tourneys won:19---|---My Clan---|My Best Ratio :unsure
Anonymous wrote:
Ok, this is ridiculous, I'll have to remember that every time I face you in a tourney, I just quit and run for it
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Sorry,Dumbledore
It's too late, Windows 7
Stuck in a Vlog
Rucka Rucka Haiti
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  Posted on November 21, 2009 17:22
miltam
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#12
garrafan100000 wrote:
Johnny1998 wrote:
nice poem.........how were you inspired to write this?
idk its just my mother died and my brother in real life but the other stuff came 2 me:oh
that's too bad. Beautiful poem though. :oh :oh People who felt pain are stronger.
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  Posted on November 21, 2009 17:24
K-Man500
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#13
Nice poem
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  Posted on November 21, 2009 17:30
garrafan100000
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#14
thank u everyone:oh
My Family



.:||im da iFunker .:||Half brother |ShopofAmjad||:.GFX RECORD 11-2-1||
Alba_sig.png


lol clicky my latest poem my showcase sendo serekuto chat
  Posted on November 21, 2009 17:38
Sakura-Chan-Ship
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#15
It's a good poem, but I do have some remarks to leave:
1) For everything that rhymes, make a new line and a comma. Like this:
I wish I could of run but I couldn't stop staring,
I wish all my friends would stop caring.

See the change? And afterwards either leave a blank space or keep going.
2) The first line did not rhyme, like all the others of yours did. Maybe change the last word to "side"? Flows better
3) I like the general idea, but you could've added some nice words to it to. At the end maybe saying something like: But he will always be there. He cared. I loved. ,etc. You get the point.
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