Mist and Rain

Dokina_Abetara Rank: member Forum Rank: Jounin Posts: 1694 Joined on: August 1, 2008

#1 This is the first chapter of my fanfiction. I thought it might be too big to post here so I'm providing you the link to it on fanfiction.net. Feel free to give constructive criticism as I have already done 7 chapters thus far. Chapter 1 Thank You. -Sig by Kaos--Avy by thwayset21- KidoHina...4ever<33 Forever one Hunter, forever going alone Me wrote: When did the life of one become greater than the totality of many?

pickcha Rank: member Forum Rank: Jounin Posts: 1771 Joined on: February 13, 2007

#2 That is a lot:amused Made By: heavens-punisher <.< Click

marcel147 Rank: member Forum Rank: Jounin Posts: 1785 Joined on: April 18, 2008

#3 pickcha wrote: That is a lot:amused agree:teeth HcM tag. TOURNAMENTS WINS:11 LAST TUORNAMENT WIN: ICQ: 4235336...SKYPE: marcel14775...EMAIL: marcel147@azet.sk

GaaraKatsu Rank: member Forum Rank: Academy Student Posts: 35 Joined on: September 9, 2009

#4 i dunno join my clan in xat.com/heroesareback url=http://www.squiby.net/level/1809367]

Dokina_Abetara Rank: member Forum Rank: Jounin Posts: 1694 Joined on: August 1, 2008

#5 marcel147 wrote: pickcha wrote: That is a lot:amused agree:teeth see i told ya Pretty much all of my chapters will be there, because they can't fit on here without taking up a lot of space. P.S I am pretty sure that there will be gaps in the Naruto Universe that I have overlooked..help me with that when you can..its sometimes hard to keep track of all things Naruto. -Sig by Kaos--Avy by thwayset21- KidoHina...4ever<33 Forever one Hunter, forever going alone Me wrote: When did the life of one become greater than the totality of many?

punisher12 Rank: member Forum Rank: Special Jounin Posts: 758 Joined on: June 2, 2008

#6 damn thats real long like good luck

experiment18 Rank: member Forum Rank: Jounin Posts: 1701 Joined on: July 15, 2008

#7 woah....that was so long, but i read it all....wow nice...i enjoyed it, it was good! Hoppy<3

Smexylicious Rank: member Forum Rank: Special Jounin Posts: 997 Joined on: August 4, 2009

#8 To everyone who says too long: It's in writing section. Read the damn rules. DeviantArt Fuck you. Fuck the mods. Fuck everyone on this forum. This is bullshit. KTHXBAI

Coolidger Rank: member Forum Rank: Jounin Posts: 2391 Joined on: August 17, 2006

#9 So what if it's too long, you people are too lazy to read. Long doesn't mean bad, and there's no reason to post that, your just trying to get your post count up. As for my personal review, 6.5/10. It was solid, but had lots of holes. Also, a few plot twists would have been nice, the one you added was too obvious, having them team up. I saw that coming. Start off with a better opening, catch the readers attention with something different, and then suprise them. Also, alot of it was a fight scene, which is not good for writing. Its okay in manga's, but not so much for novels. And for chapter one, it felt more like a short story. When you write a chapter, you don't end off with a happy ending unless it's the last chapter. You end off with somone unexpected, to make the reader want to read chapter too. You did do a good job describing though, and thats one of the toughest parts of writing. Describing the people, setting, and just overall feel of the scene. You did a good job on that. I could go into a little more detail on other things, but this is only for one chapter, i don't feel like making a long review for you to read. Overall, the story had some holes, but wasn't too bad. And don't take this to hrashly, it's simply friendly critism on what to improve on. So 6.5/10, overall. ~Retired This man will be missed! <3 ~ Nimetz Alex is mine! Get back, woman!~Dassyyyy I love you ~ Dimmy

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