Mist and Rain

Users reading this topic: There are no members reading this topic.

Posted on November 8, 2009 20:34

Dokina_Abetara
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Missing-Nin

Posts: 1696
Joined on:
August 1, 2008

This is the first chapter of my fanfiction. I thought it might be too big to post here so I'm providing you the link to it on fanfiction.net. Feel free to give constructive criticism as I have already done 7 chapters thus far.

Chapter 1

Thank You.

-Sig by Kaos--Avy by thwayset21-
From a Tank to a Hunter <3
KidoHina...4ever<33
This Hunter stands alone

Quote by Me

Rush things and you'll lose everything. You need to think things through in all aspects of your life.

Posted on November 8, 2009 20:36

pickcha
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Missing-Nin

Posts: 1774
Joined on:
February 13, 2007

That is a lot

Made By: heavens-punisher <.< Click

Posted on November 8, 2009 20:37

marcel147
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Missing-Nin

Posts: 1785
Joined on:
April 18, 2008

Quote by pickcha

That is a lot

agree

HcM tag.
TOURNAMENTS WINS:11
LAST TUORNAMENT WIN:
ICQ: 4235336...SKYPE: marcel14775...EMAIL: marcel147@azet.sk

Posted on November 8, 2009 20:39

GaaraKatsu
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Academy Student

Posts: 36
Joined on:
September 9, 2009

i dunno

join my clan in xat.com/heroesareback url=http://www.squiby.net/level/1809367]

Posted on November 8, 2009 20:40

Dokina_Abetara
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Missing-Nin

Posts: 1696
Joined on:
August 1, 2008

Quote by marcel147

Quote by pickcha

That is a lot

agree

see i told ya

Pretty much all of my chapters will be there, because they can't fit on here without taking up a lot of space.

P.S I am pretty sure that there will be gaps in the Naruto Universe that I have overlooked..help me with that when you can..its sometimes hard to keep track of all things Naruto.

-Sig by Kaos--Avy by thwayset21-
From a Tank to a Hunter <3
KidoHina...4ever<33
This Hunter stands alone

Quote by Me

Rush things and you'll lose everything. You need to think things through in all aspects of your life.

Posted on November 8, 2009 20:49

punisher12
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Chuunin

Posts: 639
Joined on:
June 2, 2008

damn thats real long like good luck

Posted on November 8, 2009 20:53

experiment18
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Missing-Nin

Posts: 1566
Joined on:
July 15, 2008

woah....that was so long, but i read it all....wow
nice...i enjoyed it, it was good!

Setsuna<3 I Yulia<3 I .... I

<frm Hayley
The way some people find fault, you'd think there was some kind of reward...

Posted on November 8, 2009 20:58

Smexylicious
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Special Jounin

Posts: 796
Joined on:
August 4, 2009

To everyone who says too long:
It's in writing section. Read the damn rules.

^Aly made that hawt piece of sexiness
Current Music Obsession(s): CKY, Mister Owl, Nevershoutnever, Lights
Most likely find me:
Gaia: Rawrimadinosaurimaeatchu
FooPets: XxKimixX

Posted on November 9, 2009 18:31

Coolidger
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Special Jounin

Posts: 807
Joined on:
August 17, 2006

So what if it's too long, you people are too lazy to read. Long doesn't mean bad, and there's no reason to post that, your just trying to get your post count up.

As for my personal review, 6.5/10.
It was solid, but had lots of holes. Also, a few plot twists would have been nice, the one you added was too obvious, having them team up. I saw that coming. Start off with a better opening, catch the readers attention with something different, and then suprise them. Also, alot of it was a fight scene, which is not good for writing. Its okay in manga's, but not so much for novels. And for chapter one, it felt more like a short story. When you write a chapter, you don't end off with a happy ending unless it's the last chapter. You end off with somone unexpected, to make the reader want to read chapter too.
You did do a good job describing though, and thats one of the toughest parts of writing. Describing the people, setting, and just overall feel of the scene. You did a good job on that.
I could go into a little more detail on other things, but this is only for one chapter, i don't feel like making a long review for you to read. Overall, the story had some holes, but wasn't too bad. And don't take this to hrashly, it's simply friendly critism on what to improve on. So 6.5/10, overall.

I hear them calling me, when will I answer them?
I see them chasing me, when will I run from them?
When our nightmares come to life, our life turns into a nightmare.

Ask Kayla & Alex ~ Team shop ~ My Scrumptious ~ Go "trolls" of n-b

Mist and Rain

WHO'S ONLINE