Phoenix Chronicles Pt. 2

Narikku Rank: member Forum Rank: Sannin Posts: 3231 Joined on: February 22, 2007

#1 So, this is my Second installment of the Phoenix Chronicles. Notify me of any grammar mistakes. ALso, tell me if you like it and stuff. Secondly, don't jsut rate it, post comments! I hope you like it :D Any kind of Graphics, Banners, sigs, avatars, anything will be appreciated. Click here for Part 1. After bursting from his cocoon, Fuziko watched his newest opponent fiercely with his golden, piercing eyes. He shouted as if tempting the best to attack him. "So you must be the King of Zalzars. Am I right?" The Giant bee-patterned lizard sat there, waiting. "Are you going to attack me or what?!" The King just sat there. It began to lay down. "UGH! Enough of this!" Fuziko charged at the large lizard, making an ear-piercing caw, symbolizing the first strike.Simultateously as Fuziko charged, the giant Zalzar swung his tail to counter the strike. Fuziko couldn't dodge in mid-air because he was charging too fast. Within seconds, he instantly got knocked off his path, and was thrown into a wall in the dark cavern. "Fuziko!!!" Saria screamed in fear His fire began to shine even brighter. Wiping some blood off his mouth, he scoffed at the Lizard, "This is going to be more fun than I thought." Instantly Fuziko flew up into the air, and started charging at his opponent. The giant lizard tried to retaliate the same was as before. As he struck the image of the pheonix, it disappeared from his sight. "Gotcha!" Fuziko shouted coming from the wall on the other side, pecking into the lizard's scales. Quickly Fuziko backed awayas the giant lizard welched in pain. "You're obviously intelligent, because you knew to wait, not attack, so I might as well tell you about my powers. The power of being an Eagle increases my strength, duribility, eyesight, and speed. It also gives me the abilitiy to fly", Fuziko explains, "The ability of fire gives me some pretty unique abilities in itself. Of course, I won't tell you them all, because that will spoil the fun. One of these powers is what you just witnessed. I created an illusion of myself to get around you. I used my speed along with my illusion in order to trick you to think I was doing the same thing again. This 'illusion' is like the illusion of any ordinary fire. It makes you see things that really aren't there. Basically, my power is a controlled Mirage." Flying back in the air, Fuziko gets prepared to strike again. "Just warning you now, I don't fall for the same trick twice." Instantly, 3 different Phoenixs appeared before the King of the Falzar's. Confusing itself with which one is the real one, it started swinging it's tail frantically at all three. All three of them disappeared, leaving a heat's trace behind. The creature finally stood up. It violently started rampaging through the entire cavern.each time it banged against a wall, small golden and black creatures fell from the caverns cieling. Fuziko quickly realized what the king was doing. "He's summoning back-up! Damn! I can't take on all of these at once!" Fuziko started shining even brighter. "I have no choice... I have to do this." The golden flames on Fuziko's bird-like appearances burned even hotter, evidently getting larger. Saria watched in awe as she saw her love burning at the intensity he was. Suddenly thousand's of bird's piercing caw's came from above. Saria closed her eyes as the lgiht was blinding her vision. Everything in the room became blazingly hot. The piercing caw's continued over and over for a minute straight. Everything fell silent. Suddenly Saria heard a small "thunp". She ran over quickly to see Fuziko lying on the ground, in his Human Form. She instantly hugged him tightly, laying him on her lap covered by her soft bluish-green robe, She looked into his eyes, crying terribly. Fuziko slowly opened his eyes, looking deeply into Saria's light blue eyes. He smiled softly, as he said, "You always had the prettiest eyes. They always seem to reflect off your tears. You cry too much." He sounded hoarse. Saria slapped him a couple seconds afterwards. "Ow! What was that for?!" "I THOUGHT YOU DIED!" " Well I could've... but there was no other way to beat the damn thing!" "We could've run and waited till another time!" Fuziko fell silent. This is the first time he's ever seen Saria so worried about him. He knew she loved him, but to this extent was amazing. SHe was so loyal. Instantly Fuziko smiled at her. "I'm not dead yet, so stop worrying. Okay?" "OKay..." Saria sniffled. "Now let's get to that orb." They slowly approached the orb, unaware what they may face next. "Finally!" Fuziko finally exhaled as they approached it. "Destroying this orb will destroy all that's left of all the evil in this world. It's the last connection to the Demon's world. I can't believe we actually are going to do it!" "Yeah... I.. I can't wait..." Saria was holding onto Fuziko tightly. Fuziko slowly went to the orb to pick it up. "Wait!" Saria shouted. "What is it?" "I have a bad feeling..." "A bad feeling of what?" "I..I don't know.. it's not a trap but.. it feels like something bad is going to happen." "Well there's only one way to find out!" "I guess..." Fuziko quickly picked up the orb, lifted it up into the air, and froze. "Fuziko?... What are you waiting for?" Saria slowly loooked at him, realizing he had a gray tint to him. "Honey?.... Why do you look so pale?" She placed a hand on his cheek. She realized the cold truth. He was stone. Ava by Kayashi. ----

dead_player Rank: member Forum Rank: Jounin Posts: 2176 Joined on: December 9, 2008

#2 nice 8/10. make it more effective. +Latest X X +Add me on facebook Evalon Aih Hart My Kushina in nine tails.

Narikku Rank: member Forum Rank: Sannin Posts: 3231 Joined on: February 22, 2007

#3 dead_player wrote: nice 8/10. make it more effective. What do you mean by effective? Also thanks for rating. ^_^ Ava by Kayashi. ----

AKUDOU Rank: member Forum Rank: Sannin Posts: 3710 Joined on: August 12, 2009

#4 its boring to read this!! ~You better get up out the way Tomorrow I'll rise, so i fight today You know I don't give a fuck what you think or say 'Cause I'm gonna rock this whole place anyway ~Alt ~sig by shadow2991

Narikku Rank: member Forum Rank: Sannin Posts: 3231 Joined on: February 22, 2007

#5 AKUDOU wrote: its boring to read this!! What makes it so boring? Also this is my first story, so yeah. ^_^' Thanks for your opinion. Ava by Kayashi. ----

petx12 Rank: member Forum Rank: Jounin Posts: 2242 Joined on: October 19, 2007

#6 i like the frist one better 7/10 Call mes key:amused [ Facebook Pwing bishis since 07[ My Showcase Aliswell did it...the avy v.v i know rightManga Style Stocks(Fairy Tail)

Kabby09 Rank: member Forum Rank: Jounin Posts: 1332 Joined on: July 28, 2009

#7 9/10:amused prod's team shop

Narikku Rank: member Forum Rank: Sannin Posts: 3231 Joined on: February 22, 2007

#8 petx12 wrote: i like the frist one better 7/10 Yeah, the first one is better. This is my first attempt at a battle scene however. Ava by Kayashi. ----

dead_player Rank: member Forum Rank: Jounin Posts: 2176 Joined on: December 9, 2008

#9 Narikku wrote: dead_player wrote: nice 8/10. make it more effective. What do you mean by effective? Also thanks for rating. ^_^ i mean use words which are make sense. +Latest X X +Add me on facebook Evalon Aih Hart My Kushina in nine tails.

PRZ11895 Rank: member Forum Rank: Sannin Posts: 5045 Joined on: August 29, 2008

#10 Nice, Gregory. ^-^ I like the First one better. 7.5/10. R e t i r e d.

Narikku Rank: member Forum Rank: Sannin Posts: 3231 Joined on: February 22, 2007

#11 dead_player wrote: Narikku wrote: dead_player wrote: nice 8/10. make it more effective. What do you mean by effective? Also thanks for rating. ^_^ i mean use words which are make sense. Which words don't make sense? ._. @PRZ- Yeah, First one is definately better than this one. Ava by Kayashi. ----

dead_player Rank: member Forum Rank: Jounin Posts: 2176 Joined on: December 9, 2008

#12 Narikku wrote: dead_player wrote: nice 8/10. make it more effective. What do you mean by effective? Also thanks for rating. ^_^ i mean use words which are make sense and matches with the sentence. simply CONJUNCTION +Latest X X +Add me on facebook Evalon Aih Hart My Kushina in nine tails.

Narikku Rank: member Forum Rank: Sannin Posts: 3231 Joined on: February 22, 2007

#13 dead_player wrote: Narikku wrote: dead_player wrote: nice 8/10. make it more effective. What do you mean by effective? Also thanks for rating. ^_^ i mean use words which are make sense and matches with the sentence. simply CONJUNCTION Conjunctions weaken a writer's ability, so I avoid using them as much. Could you please point out an example in my writing that doesn't make sense? Ava by Kayashi. ----

waterone Rank: member Forum Rank: Sannin Posts: 5744 Joined on: February 4, 2009

#14 First was definetly better, it was more emotional, but this is not that least. 8.5/10. How to Go on a Date with Megan Fox 100 Icon Batch!

Narikku Rank: member Forum Rank: Sannin Posts: 3231 Joined on: February 22, 2007

#15 waterone wrote: First was definetly better, it was more emotional, but this is not that least. 8.5/10. Thanks. I had to make this a battle scene.. so yeah it couldn't be THAT emotional. x.x Ava by Kayashi. ----

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