:::Teru's Poem Collection:::

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Posted on June 5, 2009 20:24

Teru_Mikami
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Okay. So I like to write poems. I'll try and add a poem every week or so if I have the time. In the mean time, here are three that I wrote. These have been posted on S-A boards as well.

Poem#1: Death's Art
As the sand drips down in its half empty vile
Death stares you in the face and gives you a smile
Suffering and pain brings joy to this beast
For every man dead is just one more feast

Your thoughts collide as you rest in your bed
This monster controls you, the emotions in your head
Just as morning arrives, you wake up and scream
Wipe the sweat off your forehead, thinking it was only a dream

Your day goes on and you feel relieved
What you saw while asleep, you have still yet to believe
You knod your head and lie to heart
What we humans call cruelty is truely Death's art

I wrote this poem over the summer and figured i'd post it.
No need for harsh comments, just give me a rating if you'd like

Poem#2: Left Out
Everyone is looked down upon
Like the broken step in the staircase
They are ignored without being forgotten
The ones who do this do it as an act of jealousy and anger
They feel like they have a bigger piece of this world
They wrap their arms around our thoughts
Not too tight and not loose enough for you to slip from their pity
When they think they have figured you out
Caring for you is not an issue
They want to clean the slate and find someone else to do this to
But as life goes on, not one person is left out of this cycle
Our habits mix with their habits, thus continuing a big theory
" Am I any better than the one who did this to me?"

Poem#3:Silenced

A feather falls from sky in the dead of night
The sound of the wind breaks the silence
A whisp of air causes the feather to rise
The feather sways back and forth, gaining height gradually
As it continues traveling it finds itself hovering over a body of water
The air surrounding the feather becomes dense
The feather loses control and crashes down into the water
The strong current throws the feather around like a rag doll
The feather is stopped by a mass of rock, eroded and ugly
The current grows even stronger and the feather gives itself to the water
As pain and despair fill our hearts, we too are a feather

Poem#4: Mental Disaster

A thought crossed my mind
As I looked up at the sky
And a feeling of some kind
Along with common question why

We wonder every day
About things other people sought
Imagining what they would say
To that question, feeling, or thought

I know this poem is short, but I made it like that for a reason

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Posted on June 5, 2009 20:26

Rajoman
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8 overall ^^

...And they will give anything
Just to be free from the pain
And they won't surrender

Living in a world of promises
Living in a world of dreams and hopes
Living in a world of promises...

Posted on June 5, 2009 20:28

sasuke_cookies
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Good job :]

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Posted on June 5, 2009 20:29

ninetailfox77
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i give it a eight out of ten

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Posted on June 5, 2009 20:30

Trepadora2
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sasuke_cookies wrote:

Good job :]

agreed. 8/10 :smile

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Posted on June 5, 2009 20:31

SupremCommander
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nice about 8 /10 you should enter the weekly contest

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Posted on June 5, 2009 20:33

Teru_Mikami
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@ SupremCommander- Idk I might. Not really sure if mine are good enough for things like that though :wondering

@Everyone else- Thanks for the ratings :embarressed

Posted on June 5, 2009 20:40

-Ayame-
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I like all three of them =) Very good work 10/10 for all ^.^

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Posted on June 5, 2009 20:45

Teru_Mikami
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-Ayame- wrote:

I like all three of them =) Very good work 10/10 for all ^.^

Yay! Why thank youu :amused

Posted on June 5, 2009 20:51

sdasd
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#10

Did you adopt any specific style for the poems? I can see it on the first but i cant figure out what type of poem the 2nd and 3rd are :P other than that I'll only rate the first one in which u did a very good job :) as my english teacher says: Clear Consice Coherent Correct very nice rythm used syllabic patterns respected but ur 3rd line has a problem;
U make feast a one syllable word on fourth line and beast has the same tone so its also monosyllabic... now i counted and recounted (you have 11/11/10/11) so you have slight flaw there :)
Other than that its a solid 7 since errors like that can cost u a great deal about 1-2 marks out of 10 :)
but keep it up :amused