The War: Prologue+Chapter 1

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7 vote(s) since November 22, 2008 05:27

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Posted on November 22, 2008 05:27

thatonedude
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I couldn't really think of a more creative title, but I hope you enjoy it anyway. I'll just start with a prologue, and add the first chapter later.
________________________________________________________________
Prologue:
An Unending Conquest
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Åelün is divided into 6 different territories. The Thineal Empire, the Ryk Warzone, Kirhut Village, the Alanarian Kingdom, the Yeign Province, and Zail City.
For 100 years, the Thineal Empire was satisfied with its borders. The day after Wynn Thineal's funeral, was the coronation of King Tynnar Thineal. He had an unending bloodlust, and sought to control the rest of Åelün. His first target was Kirhut Village, too small and weak to defend themselves from his invasion. The Ryks, tribes of bloodthirsty warriors, were pleased with this unnecessary bloodshed, and encouraged the Thineal Empire by joining forces with them.
And of course, every story needs a "good guy". The Alanarian Kingdom stopped Korein Thineal from conquering all of Åelün, over a century ago, before the 100 year armistice. During "Korein's War", the Thineal Empire attacked Zail City, which is when the Alanarians intervened and stopped them. Ever since then, they have agreed to be allies, and thus, Zail City is obligated to help the Alanarian Kingdom repel these invaders once more. Yeign Province has always been neutral (like Kirhut Village once was), but this time, they have decided to step in, hoping to finally put an end to the Thineal Empire's greedy campaign . . .
Blood has been spilled . . .
The sides have been chosen . . .
The war has begun.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Be prepared for the next time, in "Chapter 1: The First Battle"
Tynnar's son, Prince R'vnen, will see his first battle. He has been training his entire life to become the Lieutenant General of his father's army. How will he react to his first taste of bloodeshed?
________________________________________________________________

I hope you liked the prologue. Please rate it, tell me if you liked it, vote, or all three. Thanks for reading!

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Posted on November 22, 2008 05:28

Nejiboy4542
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nah were all tired its almost one oclock in the us

Posted on November 22, 2008 05:32

thatonedude
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Quote by Nejiboy4542

nah were all tired its almost one oclock in the us

I know, I live here, but that doesn't mean it impares your ability to read and post a useful comment.
And this is spam, please don't spam again in my topic, or I'll have to report you. Read this before you post spam

Posted on November 22, 2008 05:33

willyflare
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what is the connection between Korein Thineal and King Tynnar Thineal ?
are they related in blood?

EDIT :
Great Creativity !
Looking forward for the next chapter

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Posted on November 22, 2008 05:40

thatonedude
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Quote by willyflare

what is the connection between Korein Thineal and King Tynnar Thineal ?
which one comes first?

EDIT :
Great Creativity !
Looking forward for the next chapter

I knew this would confuse people, so I was ready to explain.
The Thineal Empire has been ruled by the Thineal Royal Family since it began.
The first Thineal mentioned in the story was Korein. He was a conquerer, who turned the country into an empire. In the first war, he was killed, which is when the war ended. After him was Wynn Thineal, who kept peace and didn't expand the country's borders for 100 years. When he died, Tynnar became king, and then he tried to expand borders once again, and so he started another war, which is the one I'll be writing about.

Does that help?
Basically it went:
. Korein
. Wynn
. Tynnar
. R'vnen

Posted on November 22, 2008 05:44

willyflare
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so that's the story..
i got it

so the story will be based on R'vnen 's point view & adventure ?

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Posted on November 22, 2008 05:48

thatonedude
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Quote by willyflare

so that's the story..
i got it

so the story will be based on R'vnen 's point view & adventure ?

Not really, I planned on it being more of a third person view of the whole war.

The reason I mentioned him was because although I didn't talk about him in the prologue, he is a very *cough*important*cough* character.

Posted on November 22, 2008 05:58

willyflare
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ok then
i'll wait for it

just don't spoil it now

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Posted on November 22, 2008 06:07

thatonedude
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I'll probably add another chapter later today, like, when it's day time and I've had some rest . . . It's 1:00 A.M for me . . .

Posted on November 23, 2008 17:39

thatonedude
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#10

OK, here’s the first actual chapter of the story.
As of now I only have like, one reader (thanks willyflare lol), but I’m hoping the addition of the first chapter makes the story better known and hopefully, more popular.
________________________________________________________________
Chapter 1:
The First Assault
- - - -- - - -- - - -- - - -- -- -- - -- -- - - -- - - -- - -- - - -- - - -- - -- - - - -- - - -- - - -- - - - -- - - - -- -
The wind that morning had an icy edge to it, causing R’vnen Thineal to pull up his scarf and close another button on his coat. R’vnen sat on his charger, Bucephalus, glaring at the sorry regiment supplied to him with anger and resentment. “Where is my corps?” he muttered to himself under his scarf. The Lt. Colonel of the first battalion, a man named Nodan, walked up to him. Nodan grabbed Bucephalus by the reigns, and said to R’vnen, “Your position is at the back of the regiment; you should be there.” Nodan pulled on the reigns, and turned R’vnen around. “Very well.” Replied R’vnen without a sign of emotion. He spurred Bucephalus, and slowly rode to the back of the regiment. The look of anger on his face was intensified tenfold now. His face was wrinkled with an expression of intense hate and rage. “Damn my father! He calls me Lieutenant General, but supplies me with a colonel’s load? He has me ordered around by those ranked lower than me? If he thinks that I will be satisfied with a title alone, he is mistaken.”
The Empire’s first assault on the Resisters was at an armory in the Yeign Province. The Empire got word from their spies that they were about to send a shipment of new Yeignian weapons to the other Resister areas. He wanted the attack to be a surprise, but at the border, Tynnar’s forces were detected. Luckily, the Yeignians did not have enough time to get help from the other Resisters, so their only defense was a national guard and any other Yeignians who felt it was necessary to protect their homeland.
R’vnen sat back and watched “his” soldiers march into battle. They began fighting the Yeignians in the front line. R’vnen looked at the soldiers’ formation, and called the Nodan over. “What is this? Why are the soldiers so disorganized?” The soldiers had no formation; there was only one body of warriors, all battling in a big, chaotic cloud of fighters. “There was no need for strategy, sir,” Nodan cringed when he said that word, “our forces can easily overtake them.” “Yes, I know, but that does not mean we should just waste soldiers because of your arrogance!” countered R’vnen. “Listen, si-,” “No! You listen! I outrank you, and you shall listen to my orders!” yelled R’vnen, infuriated. Now Nodan looked irritated and up in arms. “I have had enough! A child will not order me around just because he is the son of the emperor! Just because you are his blood, you are almost at the head of the army, and have only been in his forces for less than a month! I have been fighting for the empire for 38 years, I deserve your rank more than you do!” R’vnen thought about what Nodan had said. They both stood silently for over a minute. Then, R’vnen acted. He unsheathed Nodan’s blade before he could see it. Nodan looked down to see what had happened, and in that time, R’vnen stabbed Nodan, straight through the stomach. R’vnen’s face was emotionless. He leaned in, and whispered into Nodan’s ear, “You were a fool to cross me.” He twisted the sword cruelly, and removed the blade from its temporary scabbard. R’vnen then called the Lt. Colonel of the second battalion. “Tell the soldiers to do exactly what I tell you.” The second Lt. Colonel looked down at the body Nodan. He looked frightened, and nodded quickly. “I want 100 soldiers from the rear to split from the main body. Send them to the back of the enemy building, and tell them to try and find a back entrance into the building. Also, send with them 50 archers, and 5 Masks*. Tell the Masks to scale the building and take out all the archers at the top. Then have them bring the archers up to the roof and reinforce the main body of soldiers from up there. Leave 2 Masks to guard the archers, and have the others go down and help the 100 infantrymen get into and clear the building of enemies. Once they finish that task, tell them to get out through the front exit and attack the enemy’s main body from the rear.” The second Lt. Col. stammered, “Y-y-yes s-sir.” And began to turn around. Then R’vnen added, “We have already lost 37 soldiers. If we lose 3 more, I will have you beheaded.” The second Lt. Col. Quickly nodded and ran to yell the orders to the men.
* * *
The battle was over. The Empire had won. R’vnen was just finishing counting the soldiers “1,459 . . . 1,460 . . . and 1,461 . . . Lucky for you, Lieutenant Colonel, you just barely get to keep your head.”
R’vnen and his men began going back to the Empire, to tell them the good news. R’vnen had a small smile on his face, proud of his accomplishments, wondering what his father would think . . .
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*A “Mask” is the name the Empire gave to their special unit of rogues

To understand some of the story, you would need to know about the military hierarchy in the U.S. I have provided a link to explain it:Here's the link
________________________________________________________________
Thanks for reading, I hope some more people saw and read it, and if you did, I hope you liked it! Please rate and comment!

Posted on November 23, 2008 18:15

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#11

Hmm, I like it...I like it a lot. Your word usage, and the way in which you explain the current scene/setting is extremely well set up and easy to understand. But, I think it would be a bit easier if you posted the next few chapters to come in different topics; so it would be easier for your readers to read each chapter without the hassle of looking through pages.

But, anyways, excellent job. I defiantly want to read more.

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Posted on November 23, 2008 18:19

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#12

now you got the second reader !

Review :
As I expected, it's a nice 1st Chapter.
The flow of the story is nice, and from your way of telling the story, I can feel the emotions of the characters in the story.
You even thought of an unit's name (the Mask).
Let's say.. 4.5 / 5

I can't say that R'vnen is ruthless. He actually think about his army.
Or is it just another Military Tactics? Who knows....
I just realized that "charger" means a large, strong cavalry horse. I didn't know that

About the Idea of posting in a new Topic...
Isn't it better to include the Proloque and Chapter 1 as well in that topic ?
So that people doesn't have to go back and forth between links ?

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Posted on November 23, 2008 18:22

thatonedude
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#13

Quote by Shino*Girl

Thanks! I didn't expect such a good review . . .

And, yeah, I'll post chapter 2 in a new topic, thanks for the rate and tip

Posted on November 23, 2008 19:09

thatonedude
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#14

Quote by willyflare

Well, if I do that, I'll include the links to all the previous chapters, so if any newcomers to the series saw a later chapter topic, they could go back to the previous ones to learn the story.

The reason I did what I did with R'vnen was that I wanted him to be selfish. The reason behind wanting his soldiers to live, was that he wants to appear strong to his people. If an army commander only has dead soldiers, then he appears weak. Also, I wanted to add the basic, "child has important parent, always busy, neglects child, child yearns parent's approval." element to R'vnen's character, which I implied in the last line.

Posted on November 23, 2008 19:12

willyflare
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#15

OK then, I'm looking forward for the next chapter

Thanks for informing me about this new chapter.
I'll surely read and rate your next one.

OK then time to go to sleep..... it's 4 AM in the morning here......

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The War: Prologue+Chapter 1

The War: Prologue+Chapter 1

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