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 Topic: Ari's Prologue.
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  Posted on December 3, 2008 22:32
Shino*Girl
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#16
bump. I want more reviews.

Quote by suchi1832
Quote by Shino*Girl
Ari worships picture in the continent of Arianaca. In other words...that picture made me a giggle and stuff.


The topic is Ari approved. (Y)

It's a joy to be ignored. ™
  Posted on December 3, 2008 23:04
ignimaru
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#17
Well, I don't really like stuff written in the first-person, but that's not to say it's not good. If it were not written in the first-person, but the same wording otheriwse was kept, I would give it a 4, however I have to rethink my rating since it works fine being first-person.

Therefore I'd give it an 8

As always when reading anyone's work on n-b, I'd change a few words, but that's just a matter of preference.

Also, if the name is supposed to be Japanese, the "Dex" doesn't fit in. I assume that part is not supposed to be Japanese, since there is no "x" in Japanese, nor can you end a word with a consanant other than "n." Wanted to point it out just in case.
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  Posted on December 3, 2008 23:33
Shino*Girl
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#18
Quote by ignimaru
Well, I don't really like stuff written in the first-person, but that's not to say it's not good. If it were not written in the first-person, but the same wording otheriwse was kept, I would give it a 4, however I have to rethink my rating since it works fine being first-person.

Therefore I'd give it an 8

As always when reading anyone's work on n-b, I'd change a few words, but that's just a matter of preference.

Also, if the name is supposed to be Japanese, the "Dex" doesn't fit in. I assume that part is not supposed to be Japanese, since there is no "x" in Japanese, nor can you end a word with a consanant other than "n." Wanted to point it out just in case.


The story itself won't be in first person, that would be to much of a pain for me to write in the first place.

And the main character isn't fully Japanese (she's mixed I guess you can say), and I didn't want to give her a boring name.

But, thank you anyways.

Quote by suchi1832
Quote by Shino*Girl
Ari worships picture in the continent of Arianaca. In other words...that picture made me a giggle and stuff.


The topic is Ari approved. (Y)

It's a joy to be ignored. ™
  Posted on December 8, 2008 14:41
Shino*Girl
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#19
=_=

bumps.

Quote by suchi1832
Quote by Shino*Girl
Ari worships picture in the continent of Arianaca. In other words...that picture made me a giggle and stuff.


The topic is Ari approved. (Y)

It's a joy to be ignored. ™
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