Cear View

Decent, declining syllables is a nice idea, overall didn't pull it together enough.

"Cold wind is made of oaken" just felt out of place completely, as I'm sure you had a mental image of what you were referencing..some metaphor you were shooting for, but it didn't transition through for me as well as some of the rest.

Another suggestion I might make...you're going to need to be quite a bit more profound with a poem of that limited size. A small quick poem can often be favored over a larger poem for the simple fact that it is more to the point, but is also more difficult to achieve success with. The lesser amount of time you have with the reader means you have to really hit them with stunning imagery and deep symbolism right from the start, and keep it at a high level for the short amount of time you have their attention.

Unfortunately, I don't think you reached that level, as your lines were good, but none of them were incredibly stunning. Some were close, but others fell flat. "Rivers of sorrow have to dry" just felt cliche and overdone, while "earths are bound to quake" actually was solid.

Overall, a good attempt especially for the amount of room you had to work with, but just was short of pulling it together. Look forward to seeing your next piece.