.::Rate/Help::.


 Topic: .::Rate/Help::.
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  Posted on August 26, 2008 00:38
Yondaime538
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#1
Well Today I went To School and my LA teacher said we had to do a poem on anything and i just finish mine right know so rate and tell me suggestion to make it better

Unlicensed Love

On a summer's day long, long ago
I fell in love and I'll never know
Just what it was that made me feel
So drawn to her, what the appeal
That set my pulses so to race
When e'er I gazed upon that face
Of one who was scarce but a child
Yet even then could drive me wild
I'll never know the how's and why's
I lost my heart to Hazel Eyes
But when I got that long sought kiss
I knew I'd found my Perfect Miss
My elfin girl from down the lane
And I'll never let her go again

For how could I describe our love?
Romantic love, all hearts and flowers
No way to count the days and hours
Spent in self-indulgent wishes
And thoughts of long awaited kisses
Of sweet embraces, tender sighs
And gazing into love filled eyes
Oh yes, it is that kind of love

Or, is it yet the love of passion
The ecstasy that knows no ration
That shuddering nerve-tingling feeling
The climax with your senses reeling
The wondrous joy when you discover
That sweet surrender to your lover
Oh yes, it's that kind of love too.

Or even yet a love that grows
One that cares and one that knows
That sees beyond the outer skin
Into the person deep within
That loves the spirit and the soul
The inner self that makes the whole
Built on trust and empathy
A love you know was meant to be

The love we share is all these things
A love that has no need of rings
A love you never need to doubt
A love I cannot live without
A love to last us all our days
A love I'll share with you always

- Yondaime538-
- Goryo Chandra - My Song -
  Posted on August 26, 2008 00:40
ShoNiSanYodaime
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#2
nooooooooooo to much words... brains hurt... ouch!!!!

  Posted on August 26, 2008 00:42
garrarules12
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#3
Really good i would think you were in college

Give credit for my awesome Sig and ava made by Grizlist.

Part of Shino*Girl Fanclub
Runnin around wiff out a care huggin pplz everywhere!!!XD

I am BI so u knowz (haves a BF)
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  Posted on August 26, 2008 00:42
Tha_Truth21
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#4
tht shit is deep..................
Wings of Light and Dark spread afar she guides us to bliss her gift everlasting
Opening it's Eyes the Eagle takes Flight
thanx -Reku- 4 tha amazing sig and thanx Blondie12321 4 Tha unique avatar
  Posted on August 26, 2008 00:43
gaarasgirl151993
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#5
ooooooooo dat so sweet i like it
  Posted on August 26, 2008 00:43
Yondaime538
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#6
Quote by garrarules12
Really good i would think you were in college
No Middle School
- Goryo Chandra - My Song -
  Posted on August 26, 2008 00:49
shikamarurulez6
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#7
Chickennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Nice poem
  Posted on August 26, 2008 00:55
Yondaime538
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#8
Thanx
- Goryo Chandra - My Song -
  Posted on August 26, 2008 11:05
Takeru89
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#9
its prety good althought its structure prety simple
but i like the way you settled your rhymes
I got to say this poem reminds me more of a song than a poem
the first strophe and the rest doesn't fit together for me
because after the first strophe you already have made a poem
the rest seems to me sweet but after the first strophe not relevant
but that could also be some characterictic of your writting style
so still nice work n_n