Poem_ Guiding Stars


 Topic: Poem_ Guiding Stars
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  Posted on August 18, 2008 17:45
Shino*Girl
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#1
This poem is dedicated to all the relatives and family friends that have died and past on to a better place, and write this poem truly made me want to cry but I tried my best not to. Enjoy.

~~~

I’ve often had days
when I’d huddled
in a corner watching the stars
Wishing to fly without
any cares in mind
I’d often bring tears to my eyes,
for the sky was so lovely
And it forever warmed
my heart
But, my wishful thinking
will never turn into reality
But, I’ll fortify my thinking
and think positively
Until I can stand on
my own two feet
I’ll never fear what I’ll face
in the near future
And open my eyes
to true light
The true light each of you
passed on to me

Ah...
I can no longer spot
the stars in the sky
Once I again I was shrouded
in darkness, and began to cry
But I see you’re still
truly with me
With every beat
of my heart
My love continues to grow
...So don’t disappear my not one
but many guiding stars
|Ars Amatoria|
  Posted on August 18, 2008 17:49
HG9
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#2
thats an awesome poem
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  Posted on August 27, 2008 16:25
chem5
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#3
I must say Shino, one of your better poems by far.

As always, it takes place inside your unique style of writing that, quite often, breaks up the flow of your writing a tad too much for me. In this piece, it seems to work perfectly though.

The images you create of a lone figure underneath the veil of the night sky, comforted by the soft gleaming of the stars and the belief that each, a guardian angel of sorts is somehow calming. It reiterates the idea that we hold onto those who meant the most to us in any way we can, finding them in the simplest of forms simply so we never really have to say goodbye.

The transition to a somber setting when the image loses sight of the sky to the darkness is a great way to express just how much they meant to you. Had you left the poem at:
"And open my eyes
to true light
The true light each of you
passed on to me"
I really believe it would have lost a bit of it's impact. Leaving it without balance would have made a few forget that..the stars aren't always shining in the sky. The memories aren't always one's that strengthen the soul. For every memory that makes us smile, there is another that can make us cry.

Very nice work Shino, hope by bumping this a bit, that more people take the time to take notice of this small gem of a poem.
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  Posted on August 31, 2008 17:29
hamjammer
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#4
is this a poem you will submit


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  Posted on September 1, 2008 08:37
jackass6200
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#5
Love the poem hun <3
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  Posted on September 19, 2008 01:26
habib_uchiha
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#6
i make evan poem but i keep them in my book in i dont want nobody to see them my poem is wath i fell from my heart then i right them so ya i make poem
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  Posted on September 19, 2008 04:02
Omegaitachi
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#7
So gr8 I could cry!!!
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  Posted on September 19, 2008 22:36
thousandsunfire
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#8
that was pretty good. i dont really like the flow though, you seem to break sentences into pieces and it makes it a little awkward to read (imo).

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  Posted on September 20, 2008 03:17
Shino*Girl
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#9
Quote by thousandsunfire
that was pretty good. i dont really like the flow though, you seem to break sentences into pieces and it makes it a little awkward to read (imo).


Everyone tells me that and it true. I'm great at jotting down words and stuff but placing those words in senstences with a decent or somewhat decent flow is challenging for me. But, thank you for reading my poem.
|Ars Amatoria|