Yume (Dream)


 Topic: Yume (Dream)
Users reading this topic: There are no members reading this topic.
  Posted on March 28, 2008 16:50
teiji_uchiha
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Snowman

Posts: 1460
Joined on:
July 27, 2006
#1
I wish to sleep, and forever to slumber
for there in my slumber, I dream
and in dreams I can be free
to forever live in bliss
I wish to dream
for whenever I dream
I escape the madness that
eternally plague this doomed world
there I can hide under the cloak of pretense
that pain and sorrow had never existed
there I can defy physical boundaries
there I can cross thresholds
and reach places where
the world of waking cannot
To dream is to fly across oceans
with wings of imagination and hope
and soar above the heavens where I can
search for one whom I have always
longed to hold in my arms
so I can fly to him
and finally believe that
happiness is also meant for me
there I can feel the love he concealed
there I can read his buried thoughts
that I may know just what to do
to offer him the gift of bliss
so I wish to slumber deep
so that I may dream
of being with him
Shun <3 Teiji

• Cynical Angel poetry thread
Kage no Tenshi (added part 12!)
>>>Shunni fanclub!
-Valkyria-
::Ars Amatoria::
  Posted on March 28, 2008 16:51
SasukeJo
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Candy Cane

Posts: 4646
Joined on:
August 30, 2007
#2
nice poem 8/10

::Thanks naruto7xy for the sig.:: Goryo Chandra PC:: Sig from Kw::
  Posted on March 28, 2008 16:52
americano
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Candy Cane

Posts: 4902
Joined on:
June 3, 2007
#3
wow 7/10.
  Posted on March 28, 2008 16:53
Masta_J
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Penguin

Posts: 3198
Joined on:
June 29, 2007
#4
cool 7.5/10
|:| Masta |:| Genesis™ |:| Requirements |:| Showcase |:| Respected |:|



Quote by MilkRules
Take a noob, give him a fancy avatar and a banner, and add in the protection of the internet, and you've made an ass. Congrats!



  Posted on March 28, 2008 16:54
Hinata212
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Snowman

Posts: 993
Joined on:
July 5, 2007
#5
i like it 10/10


my sig made by my friend tray ~~Purple~~
  Posted on March 28, 2008 16:57
joshuahyuuga
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Candy Cane

Posts: 5035
Joined on:
June 4, 2007
#6
10

Spoiler
Remind me of Shun

Ripped From Sass =D
Call me Joshy
  Posted on March 28, 2008 17:02
QBZRaikage10
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Warm Cookie

Posts: 2162
Joined on:
June 3, 2007
#7
Nice 8/10.
  Posted on March 28, 2008 17:04
ChaosWarg
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Snowman

Posts: 1292
Joined on:
September 24, 2007
#8
7 of 10

Sanctuari Eternum||Leader||

LET THE WORLD FEAR MY POWER
  Posted on March 28, 2008 17:27
DRN_Shikamaru
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Warm Cookie

Posts: 2123
Joined on:
November 24, 2006
#9
I especially like the repetition of "I wish to sleep" to "I wish to dream", its a very strong technique and always gets kudos from me, made even better by its repetition at the end. Gives the whole poem a sense of...well, I hate to say it, but hopelessness, because it seems that dreams envelop the entire idea, meaning that only through dreaming can it be achieved. This, of course, isn't a criticism, its an interpretation ;) I don't know if you intended the hopelessness but from the radiant terms used in the dream sequence, it seems that such positivity is unavailable in the "real" world. The speaker seems to be damaged, in that she finds solace in memory and hope, rather than the present. I can guess why, but remember I don't do "author-orientated" analysis ;)

Good work :)
ZOMBIE INVASION

The pink Leprechauns have gone to the pub

Showcase | JM Part Two | Ars | JinMei Week

Ultimate Dumpling Tournament Winners
Gundam Muffin: Darth--Luke & Ezdragon2 (ft. Ninjaboy002)
  Posted on March 28, 2008 17:32
Ars_Amatoria
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Snow Hare

Posts: 182
Joined on:
February 23, 2008
#10
Indeed, it was meant to give a sense of hopelessness, for most of the time we truly find solace in dreams... dreams are our lost hopes, they represent what we want but can sometimes never have... so yes, Ryan, you've done well in interpreting it. You might as well apply "author-oriented" analysis too.

Thank you, btw.
Send me your work if you wish to join Ars Amatoria

I am wildly attracted to DRN_Shikamaru, Elpizo and Kingz_ro and regularly partake in mass orgies with all three<They are very sexy and fun
POTW #7: Selecting Finalists
Quote by DRN
EVERYONE should have a DRN quote in their sig. It ought to be the law.

^^^Elpizo totally agrees with this as long as the quote is DRN saying that he loves Elpizo
  Posted on March 29, 2008 10:00
ChaosXX
Rank: member

Forum Rank:
Snowman

Posts: 1243
Joined on:
September 2, 2006
#11
10/10

yeah, I feel your hear Teiji...

God bless you

*Izayoi*, *Seiiku*, *Stina*, -Draxy-, -Kazuki-, -Rain-, -Volcanica-, -YokoShima, ace126, AceTheMax, Alaskan19, alexc310, Arena-Gaara, Art_Boy_Deidara, AtsuiKajiOtoko23, azh25, babybalong, Baka-Channy, Blake777, BLOODE, bobster659, BooYousuck, brandonchubbs, brictoni, bulletgun, Cheese15, chidori94, chris108, CHRIS7698, CJ1214, copyninja22, corey151521, crazynarutoholic, D-ROCKER, darksorcerer90, Dark_Sannin, Donovan-X, douglass, erin13, FatDog, Finus324, fongpayman, freshkidchris, futurehokaga1, gazela, GF_Diablos, GohaPao, guiarados, GuitarxxZero, Hadley_Hills, hashamaru, HatakeRoyuoshih, Hotspot12, htnaruto, HyperDem0n, HyuugaHinata32, Ichi, Ichigo_Sama, Ileev, INFINITOVIII, Itachi3334, jaem0621, Jalloh999, jay-dog, jimjones14, kadell, kakashi-nins, Kid-Killa, kikivo, KilaDragoon1, kirusano, Kljukx, Kostas, Kyuubi0sama, L08, lee78, Leothurow, light_sasuke23, lilstunt, lordzex, Luapman, Lucifer6-6-6, luizava, marko505, martin_miroku, mataashita, Monsconie, mrssandes, n-o-o-b-i-e, NARUTO-AKUSKI, naruto-kun999*, naruto-kunt, naruto7xy, negi_hyuga, ninya_katsu, Orly_MRX, pablox11, powerfull123, QBZRaikage10, Quagmire69, Ramon100, rarutorap, rasegan125, redagent, Red_Eye_God, Rickygc, Rocklee897hj, rokninja123, rolee26, ruki, saiphilip09, saku-sasku, sakura_fighter, Sanjukeu, saruto-uchimaki, sasori987, Sasori_roxs66, sasuke_cookies, Scene-Girl-Julie, Seachg1238, SHAKE127, sharinganRuLEZ01, Shino*Girl, sizzleman12, snakeuchiha, Spirit_in_Black, suchi1832, t-bone, Teh_blood, the_fenix, the_next_hokage_, The_Vampire, toejamms, Toon-Sonic-Girl, TsuKaito, tsunade1234, uchica, Uzumakially, v13tdr4g0n, vadrox, xSharinganSasuke, xtrobo666, XxGTMxX, yohasakura, yon_yon, zerocooldx, z_the_death_god.
Admins online: 2 - Global moderators online: 1 - Moderators online: 3 - Members online: 141